just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
