I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
