I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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