i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
