So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
