so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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