They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
