So drunk its hurt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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