just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
