Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
