chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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