its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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