My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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