How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
one might say we're banned from that church
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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