Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
