Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
