i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
