You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
