Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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