i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
