It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
