ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
