my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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