Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
