omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
