I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
