My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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