The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
