He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
