I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
