i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
