Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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