Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
