Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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