I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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