Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
