Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
