...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
