so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
