I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
