I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
