I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
