I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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