I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
