just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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