I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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