Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
