Cold hands, warm shart.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
