when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
