People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
