i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The Olympian is in my bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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