dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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